Sometimes I wished that I never had the attack (the held-up) but sometimes I thank God that I did. I never knew it would affect me so badly. I’m still hanging on, still coping. Sometimes I wonder, is healing a decision or timing. I must say its both. The way my life is going, it is clear to me its both coz it hasn’t stop there. Can one determine not to get involved in a car accident? Can one determine not to get involved in a punch-up or a victim of a car vandalism whilst in car? Well, I suppose you can be extra careful. And avoid what you can avoid. But sometimes it’s due to other people’s wrong doing or negligence.

Because of incidences like these, they are affecting every single part of my life. To the extend that I want to let go of everything and start afresh ie. Move to another state/country, make new friends, get a new job, attend a new church, start a new relationship. Basically ESCAPE!!! But there are moments that I feel I am living the best part of my life. Those times is when I think about the future and think about how it will be when I finally conquered my fears, doubts and the obstacle. It is one of the best feeling. It is the only thing that is keeping me going. It is call   HOPE.

TWENTY-FIFTH BIRTHDAY

I know lots of you have asked how I am coping with PTSD. Well I have spoke or written to some of you personally. And today I am gonna write about what makes me happy.

On March 4^th 2008 I turned twenty-five. This is probably the happiest birth-day that I have had. I guess mainly because I haven’t been well mentally, physically & emotionally at home, at work, at church. And little things just make me happy. And that’s not usually me. Coz it takes alot for me to appreciate life, friendship etc. But I was overwhelmed. Maybe coz I’ve become alot more emotional too. I don’t know. Anyway that’s not the point. The point is I was very happy on my birthday!!!

I slept over at Jane’s  house the night before my birthday. I really do miss sleep overs. In the afternoon I had lunch with Carol and Su Ling at my fav lunch place Penang Hawker Corner.  I got to choose my own birthday cake – chocolate moose gâteau (French cake)- YUMMY. Carol cooked “pan mee” for dinner the one that the noodle is in pieces not in strands. Was delicious. I received a card and gifts from ex-ocfers msia/spore. It was a pleasant surprise. I’m still delighted by it. Thanks peeps!! Missed all of you!! Received many greetings from childhood friends too. Miss you girls too!!! Finished the night sleeping over at Carol’s with Jane. So sad that Jade was outstation and Franco just got discharged from hospital but we will have a blast at my upcoming birthday party. Yippee!!